make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
