fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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