dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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