Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
