She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
