I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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