Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
this is an emotional support booty call
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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