Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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