Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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