wat bout pragnant strippers??
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
