Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
