True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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