how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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