my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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