So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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