I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Found your dick twin last night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
