that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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