my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
