I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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