I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
