Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
