yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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