I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
