yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
