Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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