Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
