oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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