The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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