so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
