Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
