i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
foreskin is a definite game changer
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
