thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
