I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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