She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I want to fling myself into the sun
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
