the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize