ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
