is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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