i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
my liver is dry heaving
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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