I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
