Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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