I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
