Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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