so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
