I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and she was petting her beer can
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
