before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
God, I missed his penis.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize