If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
