Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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