What a fucking waste of an outfit
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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