I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
