I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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