i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
