The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
