I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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