He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize