I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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