brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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