I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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