oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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