everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize