The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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