True but thats because hes a fetus.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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