Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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