Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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