Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
