Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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