God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize